The Longest Journey Always Begins With a Single Step - Part 1

Okay, so now that we have my little intro out of the way, I guess it's time to go into how we got to this point.

My journey started out innocently enough. My husband, J, and I met in February of 2007. We got married in April of 2008. Up until that point, we'd used protection; condoms, mostly, but I'd had a single month during that time where I was on BCP to try to resolve a cyst. We always wanted kids (and I'd dreamed of being a mother ever since I was a little girl), but at that point it just wasn't the right time. The night of our wedding, we decided we were going to stop using protection, and for the next little while, figured, eh, whatever happens, happens.

You know, the 'ole "not trying, not preventing" scenario.

During that time, we...behaved like newlyweds...if you will, and each month, I got my period. Sometimes it was a perfect 28 day cycle (as a side note, in my teens I could predict my cycle like clockwork, right down to the time of day. Not so much now.), other times it was a 33-34 day cycle. Longer than perfect but still within normal range. Of course, I didn't think much of it, except for freaking out when my cycle was a day over 28 days and thinking I was pregnant - oops, false alarm! After all, we weren't trying. Why would I need to keep track of my cycles? Weren't we taught in health class that the very moment you have unprotected sex you'll be pregnant and your life would be doomed FOREVER?!

Yeeeaaahh...if I'd have only known then what I know now.

Fast foward to May of '09. Things had been tight, especially money wise, throughout the times previous - you know, first time really being out on our own, still putting ourselves through school and such, but at that point I'd found myself a good job and we could pay our bills and keep food on the table. Granted, we did (and still do) have quite a bit of debt, but we were at the point where we were able to keep our head above water, if you will. I don't remember what exactly sparked the conversation about trying to have a baby, but my husband, after months of saying it's not time, thought we were finally ready. On my next cycle in June, we could finally start trying.

I'll end this here, because it seems like a good stopping point (at least the cliffhanger's not too horrible!). Part 2 will be posted in a couple of days. Stay tuned!

Footprints in the Cement

It's been a long, rough, two-and-a-half-year long road with no sign of an ending...

A road that, if you'd have asked me back in June of '09 if I thought I'd still be dealing with this, I'd have told you no.

What is "this", you ask?

Infertility. Not just getting pregnant, in my case, but staying pregnant.

Infertility is somewhat of a taboo subject. So many feel like they don't want to talk about it, either because they are dealing with it themselves and feel it's too personal, or, for those who may not be dealing with it directly, don't want to talk about it for fear of hurting someone else.

I am not either of those.

Yes, fertility struggles and pregnancy loss are a very personal journey. But I am here to put my story out there. To show others that may be dealing with fertility issues that they are not alone. To vent. To retrace the footprints that have been left in my cement, a constant reminder of where I've come from. A reminder that the past will always be there; and never go away.

Delving further into my journey is a long story; a story meant for another day. For now, I invite you to join me in not only retracing those steps, but creating new ones.

Are you ready?